This year's Bike To Work Day wouldn't've been the same without her.
Nine things I am dying to say out loud.
1. Dear "I'm So Perfect, Why Don't You People Get It": If the entire world is such an inconvenience to your sensitivities, why not find your own planet full of perfect people and spare us the nasty remarks about perfectly normal and otherwise, harmless pursuits? Your slip is showing. Pull it up and shut it up. Love you, Bye!
2. Michigan and Florida, especially Debbie Dingell: Listen. No one ROBBED you of your voices. No one denied you your voting rights. You knew the rules regarding primaries and you snubbed them. You made the decision to do what you wanted, while understanding you were in violation of DNC rules for primary dates. Please shut up with this whining about, "WE HAVE A RIGHT TO BE COUNTED!" You also have the right to suffer the consequences of knowingly bucking the rules. No one's ignoring you. No one's denying your rights. Furthermore it's rather narcissistic (not to mention childish) of you to presume the process should be revamped and done over IN THE MIDST, to accommodate your inability to forecast how much of a difference your counted votes might make. And Debbie? Honestly. Don't tempt me to play with your name. I've shown GREAT restraint thus far.
3. Boundary Crossing Former Neighbors with Delusions of Granduer: I appreciate, and frankly, blush at how much you enjoy my company and your desire to make sure we "keep in touch." But your expectations are not a requirement. Therefore, if I fail to call you in a week, or fail to "check in on you to see how you are," I'm going to need you to get over yourself. Quickly. I'm hermetic in nature. Although you'd like to remedy this by showing me how to exist as you do, I caution you that I'm quite comfortable with existing as I am. Lets adjust accordingly, lest you complain yourself into an unpleasant conversation.
4. Captain Cut-off: I swear to the Universe and all the sweet spirits contained within it...if you interrupt me in the middle of a sentence or try to out talk me in your haste to raise a counter point one more time I will shake you vigorously and without mercy. It's disruptive and offering the excuse, "I don't get angry when people do it to me" is NOT acceptable.
5. Whatever rule of gravity that says the buttered/jellied side of bread MUST fall lubricated side down is just cruel and unusual.
6. Person That Likes To Make Faces At Other People's Food: It's not in your mouth, okay? Look at your own food and grow up.
7. Dear "I Must Touch You When I Talk": No. You mustn't. Fondly, RPM
8. Dear Mystery Dialer That Calls Bi-Monthly Asking For ______. Let's stop doing this dance, shall we? Tell me what you're really up to and perhaps I'll save all parties a tremendous amount of time. For the life of me, I can't imagine I've ever really intimidated anyone that much. I'm just little old me.
9. Cedric Benson: I'm not even sorry that I don't feel sorry for you. Here's some tips for success in the real world. 1) When you buy a big ass boat, make sure your simple ass actually knows how to motor it. 2) Don't think that because you're a local sports personality that you are exempt from a little racial profilin', 3) Don't ever forget that Texas is still Texas and that "Don't Mess" bit goes a little bit deeper than just littering especially when it comes to executin' a lil law enforcement, 4) Stop countin' all those chickens before they hatch and 5) Stop trying to live like you're in a Jay-Z video. It's tired and lame and well...*thinks* you are just a kid. Perhaps you need to get the bullshit out of your system. Hope you still have a job and some kinda income when that occurs.
WHEW!
Much better.
Cheers,
RPM
Someone said to me once, "what you perceive, isn't always what is."
At the time I wanted to find the nearest blunt object and bludgeon him to within an inch of his life. But time and insight can do wonders for the desire to maim. Because frankly, what he said was truth. But one of my struggles is understanding and accepting that people find their own truths and their own light, in their own time. To me, it mattered not that I knew truth as much as I was supposed to accept that what was projected on the surface was false. And for the life of me, I just can't imagine why everyone one in this world wouldn't want to be absolutely in the light. Living and being who they truly are. Saying what they really think. Free. Why wear a mask?
The short answer I guess is because they feel they must. And who am I to determine for others how valid or invalid their fears are, or the reasons they feel they are locked in their own spiritual or mental prison?
That thought stays with me. Haunts me. Partially because of the person who said it. Partially because I've been fascinated by my own frustration with it, and partially because I see so many examples of that statement in the stories that swirl about me.
Nothing is ever as it seems. When we covet what we think others have, when we compare it to our notion of how much bigger, better or broader our lives would be if we lived in someone else's skin...we're as far from the truth as we could ever be. How many times have I looked at the surface of a situation, thinking or even envying what I believe I see, only to find out later that the characters have their own demons they are wrestling. And so many are about the business of working on the appearance of things that they don't stop to deal with the murky waters of their own mess until it's pulling them under. Varying in our levels of self awareness, we either just stop spending time working on the pretty packaging and deal with the stuff inside, or we wait for the stuff inside to come busting out to scare/shock/amuse the hell out of everyone...but the worst, in my opinion...is pretending that it won't happen.
It always does. Truth is a lot like gas. You just can't keep it in. But you do have a choice about the kind of stink you make when it happens. And it's only when you recognize your ability to choose, that you take the first step to finding your own personal freedom.
I wasn't fooling ya.
One of my favorites of his.
From Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology:
For Cancer:
....in recent weeks you've recovered a portion of your lost wildness, which means I can confidently reveal the following truth, courtesy of poet Charles Simic: "He who cannot howl will not find his pack."
Read the full horoscope, or check out your own.
How deliciously appropriate. My lost wildness, or the realization that I am free to do/want/be exactly whatever it is I please, rings true. Lately, I've grown very comfortable with stating exactly what I want without any great fear or concern about who approves and if all parties who express concern about me have "signed off" on the idea.
It's funny that you can quietly live your life asking permission, without even realizing it. How much time is lost moving through this life, seeking endorsements and checking in with the world around you to see if they're "cool" with whatever you're about to do? How many moments are wasted toe dipping through your existence waiting for someone to let you know if you're allowed to believe or desire or express everything within you? Or even worse, hiding your deepest desires for fear someone will tell you you're not entitled? So many things in life lie in wait...waiting for us to actually believe we have permission to request them.
I don't know about you...but I'm howling like hell from here on out. Whether or not I have a stamp of approval is no longer relevant.
I had an a-ha moment today. Well, perhaps not an a-ha moment. It was more of a "something you already quietly knew but could benefit from a subtle reminder" moment.
The Rock, back in his days as a wrestler in the WWF, had a saying that used to always make my sister and I crack up: know your role and shut your mouth. (Go ahead and watch the video for a trip down memory lane. For those who have not been momentarily amused by the train wreck that has been professional wrestling, I apologize.) Today that phrase popped up in my mind when I started thinking about the kind of position I have had in my life within my family and in some of my relationships. It specifically popped up when I felt my lips preparing to form a complaint about my duty as the family arbitrator.
There are some things in this life, you were simply put here to do. Each of us, I believe, has a number of spiritual assignments designed to help us learn. We each have a sort of spiritual label. Some are healers. Some are innovators. Some are teachers. Some are historians. Some are explorers. Some are instigators. And sometimes, we were born to wear more than one hat.
But that's not what I learned. That's not what I was reminded of.
The point is, within our world, we each have a role...and that person is the person you were born to be. Moreover, trying to be anyone but the person you were born to be almost winds up being a wasted effort. Like the tide, your true self will only keep pulling you back. Today I was reminded that resistance is futile. (shout out to Borgs) To resist your natural gifts, or spiritual talent is to create a lot of personal distress. To resist what you have been called to do, to resist taking a role that rests within you from the moment you take your first breath makes for a very long, and sometimes very painful journey. And the catch is...you're usually disinclined to accept the role when you get your first taste of the assignment.
I didn't want to heal anyone. Not because I like to see people ache, but because I've never really been sure that I had the ability to actually be effective at it. I didn't want to create bigger messes. I didn't want to give advice that I couldn't take. I didn't want the responsibility of someone else's choices. I wanted to choose when I would be strong. I never wanted the expectation that I could never be anything else.
Despite all that, for as long as I can remember...I have been a keystone of sorts. Listening to problems, offering solutions, being a sounding board, a shoulder or an ambassador of good faith. It hasn't been until this year however, that I've really come to terms with what that means. This role is a life time position with a grandfather clause. I'm born into it, and it's not going anywhere. But it's not been wholly for the good of others. It's largely been for the good of me. Each time someone in the circle comes to me with an issue, I learn something. About myself. About how others perceive me. About the myriad of ways we all can see the world. There is a gift in that. Healers learn not only from their own choices, but from the choices of those around them who seek their guidance. Healers learn not by talking, but by listening. Not by judging, but by practicing empathy. Healers are healed by what they give to others. Each burden that someone decides to share with me, is my own opportunity to challenge myself regarding what I believe and what I do versus what I have actually done.
It's not a job I ever wanted within my family. But now, after all this time and all these years, I am beginning to appreciate the subtle messages the gift of healing gives to me. And acceptance, opens the door to a host of other lessons.
Oh, forgot this one too.
Shallow bowl measuring 2.5 inches tall x 5 inches wide. Food friendly glaze, dishwasher and microwave safe. On Etsy, here.
These were done in a chocolatey glaze. They're up for sale if you're interested!
*resumes position on couch*
